Yaaaaaaay it's STORYTIME!!!!11

Once upon a time there was a little boy called Jonny69. He had baaaaaad parents and they told him baaaaaad stories. This is the story of the big bad wolf and a little girl called Little Red Riding Hood and Grandma and the man the the axe and some bears.

Jonny's Fairy Tale

Part 1

Once upon a time there was a big bad wolf and he lived in the jungle. A little girl called Little Red Riding hood went to visit her granny and she had big bad teeth and big bad eyes. The Wolf decided he was going to eat Little Red Riding Hood when she arrived at the three bears' house so he hid out in the trees in the rainforest. When little Red Riding Hood rode past on her bike the wolf stood up sharply and said "little girl little girl I'm going to eat you". So he huffed and he puffed but he couldn't eat Little Red Riding Hood. The wolf decided he would be more cunning so he went and hid in Grandma's house.

When the wolf arrived at Grandma's house he sat in the little seat and ate the small bowl of porridge and got into Grandma's pyjamas and slept in the small bed. When the little pigs arrived home they saw that one of their seats had been sat in and one of the bowls of porridge had been eaten and they were annoyed. Daddy pig rushed to the cupboard and pulled out his axe and shouted “Who's been sitting in my chair?”

When the pigs went upstairs they found the wolf asleep in the small bed. “Wake up, wake up” said daddy pig and the wolf woke up. The three bears then arrived home and they saw the axe was gone from the cupboard so they went upstairs.

“Little pigs little pigs let me come in” said daddy bear. “Not by the hairs on my chinny chin chin” called back the wolf. The wolf had eaten up the pigs and was waiting in bed wearing grandma's pyjamas and glasses with the axe for little red riding hood.

What will happen to Grandma, the bears, the gingerbread man and
little red riding hood? Find out in exciting part 2.

Part 2.

Big daddy bear grew angry with the wolf and smashed down the door with his claws and big teeth. He chased poor Mr Wolf around the bedroom until he was out of puff. “I give up called Mr Wolf” and he went downstairs in grandmas pyjamas and made more porridge for the bears.

Little Red Riding Hood rode up the path of Granny's house and knocked on the door. The gingerbread man came to the door. “Hello” said the gingerbread man, “what are you doing at my house?” “My what big eyes you have Mr Gingerbread Man” said little red riding hood. “All the better to eat me with” said the gingerbread man and little red riding hood gobbled him up.

Little Red Riding Hood was tired after eating the gingerbread man and went inside for a sleep. She sat in the big chair and fell asleep in front of the fire. The chocolate in her basket soon began to melt and soon it was all melted.

Little Red Riding Hood woke up and it was dark outside. She got on her bike and rode around to granny's actual house and knocked on the door. Granny came to the door and she wasn't wearing any pyjamas. “My, Granny” exclaimed Little Red Riding Hood, “you're not wearing any pyjamas.” “I've been burgled” cried Granny, “you must help me.” Little Red Riding Hood quickly rode round to the woodsman's house and knocked on the door. “Who's been knocking on my door?” called the woodsman.
“Little Red Riding Hood” she called back, “and granny's been burgled.”

The woodsman came to the door with his gun and they rode to granny's house.

What will happen to granny, the bears and the woodsman? Find out in part three...

Part 3.

On the way they passed the old shoemaker and his wife who were out walking in the woods. The shoemaker worked hard but he was very poor. As time went on he grew poorer and poorer. “Who could have burgled poor old Granny?” thought the woodsman.

“The shoemaker is very poor” thought the woodsman, “Perhaps he burgled her. After all he only has one piece of leather left to make one pair of shoes.”
The woodsman chased after the shoemaker and shot him with his gun. “There he said. That will put an end to his burgling.”

He took the shoemaker's wife's clothes and then carried on back to Granny's house. They arrived at Granny's house and the door was open. The woodsman told Red Riding Hood to stay outside in case the wolf had gone in. The woodsman sneaked in with his gun loaded.

There was a rustle in the corner and the woodsman saw a flash of big teeth. My what big teeth you have Mr Wolf. “All the better to eat you with” replied the wolf. But it wasn't the wolf at all. It was granny putting on a gruff voice. She also had big eyes and big teeth and she also liked eating people and then she gobbled up the woodsman in one go.

Granny then put on the clothes the woodsman had brought and went outside to look for Little Red Riding hood. She was outside hiding in the hedge. “Come out come out wherever you are” called Granny in her gruff voice. “I'm in the hedge” called back Little Red Riding Hood. Granny opened up the hedge. “My what big teeth you have” said granny. All the better to eat you with said Little Red Riding Hood and gobbled up granny in one bite.

It wasn't little red riding hood at all! The wolf had gone for a poo in the hedge and found Little Red Riding Hood hiding there. He liked eating people and ate Little Red Riding Hood and put on her little red bonnet so he could fool Granny. The wolf had now eaten too much and walked slowly up the road until he got to a house made of straw. The little bed inside was very soft and he soon fell asleep.

The story continues in part four.

Part 4.

The wolf's dream was in a magical land with pixies and gnomes and little leprechauns who were all making shoes out of one piece of magical leather that never ran out. He soon realised they were making the shoes for the poor shoemaker. “Soon the shoemaker will grow rich from these shoes and get greedy and fat” thought the wolf and he woke up and ran quickly to the shoemakers house.

The shoemaker was already getting rich and there was more money than the wolf had ever seen before. He gobbled up the shoemaker and his wife and stumbled clumsily to Goldilocks’ house and gobbled her up too. He gathered up a pillow case and ran back to the shoemakers house. He started filling the pillow case up with money but there was a tap on his shoulder. It was the woodsman’s son who was not happy having his father eaten. With one fell swoop of his sharp axe the woodsman’s son cut the wolf clean down the middle.

All the people the wolf had eaten, the three pigs, Granny, Little Red Riding Hood and Goldilocks all jumped out and they were all happy to see the woodsman’s son and they all lived happily ever after. Except for Little Red Riding Hood who had to be cut in half because she had eaten the ginger bread man. And granny, because she ate the woodsman I think.

The End

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